My Dad died peacefully yesterday at about 2pm. We were all around him and were with him when he passed. His pain and suffering has ended. He fought a good fight.
The funeral will be on Monday. I'll not be around much until next week. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers.
I'm in Utah staying with my Mom. My siblings are gathering as well as other family members. I'm supposed to talk about my Dad at the funeral. I told my Mom that I'd just be getting up there and blubbering, but apparently it's what he wanted. My emotions seem so unpredictable. I never know if I"m going to be fine to talk or crying and choking on my words.
Mindless drivel...
Four jobs you have had in your life: Soccer Ref, grocery checker, telephone survey taker, Personal Assistant to the President (of IDMP inc- not of the country silly!)
Four Movies you would watch over and over: Return to Me, The Three Amigos, Harry Potter (any of them), The Emperor's new groove!
Four places you have lived: San Deigo, CA, Dayton, OH, Orem UT, Las Vegas, NV
Four TV shows you love to watch: Law and Order: Criminal Intent, Wife Swap, Without a Trace, Scrubs
Four Places you have been on vacation: Hawaii, Catalina Island, Bear Lake, Arches national Park
Four Websites I visit daily: Gmail, here, my boards, sudoku site
Four of my favorite drinks: Stephan's sipping cocoa, Diet Vanilla Cherry Dr. Pepper, Water, Milk
Four of my favorite foods: smoothies, sweet smothered pork burritos, Grilled anything, triple chocolate meltdown cake from applebee's
Four Places I would rather be right now: In Utah with my parents, Hawaii, on a cruise, napping
Four things I always carry with me: My kids (that's four right?), my cell phone, my car keys, extra diapers, wipes and clothes for kids.
I'm feeling like I'm a depressing blogger right now. I can't really think of much to blog about but the obvious. I feel like I'm just sitting around waiting for the other shoe to drop. I can't focus on much of anything. I was thinking about this today- I feel like I did the last month of my pregnancy with Corinne. Waiting, knowing that she would be coming soon- but not sure when. It's the same waiting for the inevitable with my Dad. We all know he's going to die, and we're hoping that it's sooner then later (and those are his wishes as well) but we don't know when that's going to happen. It could be in an hour- it could be in a week or a month even. Sort of like labor when it does finally happen I've never felt 'ready'. I always thought I was, I'd spent months preparing- but then all of a sudden there was no looking back and I wanted to change my mind (and couldn't). I feel the same now. I've been expecting this for a while now- but now that it's upon us I'm not ready- although I don't know how I'll ever be.
Our visit went well. We mostly just all sat and talked in the same room as my Dad and he slept through a lot of it. Extra people around really wear him out a lot. He can't communicate hardly at all. When he does talk it's slurred and doesn't always make sense. He's grumpy and in pain and is very emotional. He can't walk and can hardly stand. He can't use his right hand at all and so a lot of the time my mom feeds him since he can't use his left hand very well coordination-wise. He's very vocal about being ready to die. He kept praying aloud while we were there, 'Heavenly Father take me home, let me come home.' If there was ever a doubt in my mind that he's ready it's gone now. He asked Ashley to stop praying for him to get better. He told her (the best that he could and with my mom and I helping out) that he was ready to die and go home to live with Heavenly Father. That his body was sick and wasn't going to get better and that he couldn't do anything anymore. Honestly I don't know that he'll still be alive in 9 days when I go back up. But at the same time it wouldn't surprise me if he lived for another month. I've seen him deteriorate over the last year and even I was shocked at how bad he is since Thanksgiving.
Edited to add:
I really am at peace with everything though. I'm not sure that it always comes through in my typing but I love my Dad and I'm ready for him to be freed from this illness and physical pain. I'll miss him, but I know that we'll see him again- there is no question in my mind of that.
I was in charge of dinner for 80 women tonight at church. I seriously love doing stuff like that. I think I want to be a caterer when I grow up. It went well. More details (and pictures) soon.
Tomorrow we're leaving to Utah. I'm going up again in a couple weeks but my Dad isn't doing well and my mom suggested that we come have a quieter visit before coming up with my aunt and cousins. I've been praying for guidence whether or not to go now or wait- I guess my mom calling and asking us to come was about as clear an answer that I could get.
Through this whole ordeal my Dad has had a great outlook. Life is always good, he feels great ect. The eternal optimist. This week he told my mom that he's ready to die, that he's now praying for relief. I feel like all that has kept him alive these last four years has been his faith and shear will. He wasn't ready to go so he didn't. Of course that doesn't mean that he'll die this week or even this month- but it's a huge shift. As much as I am ready for this, I'm still not ready. I know it's best for him- that he's done all he can do here- but it's still hard to wrap my brain around the fact that he'll still not be 'here' anymore.
I don't know how I feel about that.
So I got tagged by Bon.
5 Things Game
What were you doing 10 years ago?
Ten years ago I was in my senior year of high school. I was preparing for solo and ensemble practicing my guts out on the marimba. I can't remember what else- but all the silly, self absorbed things that seniors in High School do.
What were you doing 1 year ago? One year ago I was seven months pregnant with Corinne. I was running Ashley to and from kindergarten and mentally preparing to move. Oh- I was finishing up the Wilton cake decorating course.
Five snacks I enjoy: Ice cream, smoothies, popcorn, chips with salsa, pretty much any cookie or baked good.
Five songs to which I know all the lyrics: The only ones I can think of off the top of my head are Primary songs. But I know dozens of them. Well, I guess, 1. twinkle, twinkle little star 2. five little monkeys jumping on the bed 3. ring around the rosey 4. the abc song and 5. Billy Jo McDuffy would count right? (I swear I listen to "cool" music- I just can't seem to remember all teh words).
Five things I would do if I were a millionaire: 1. Tithe 2.Tell Steve to quit his job and let him invest/play with at least half. 3. Buy a house in Utah by my mom's new house (that I got her) 4. Take my family (that includes anyone who feels like they should be invited) on a week long cruise for our reunion this summer. 5. Buy a grand piano and a house to fit it in.
Five bad habits: 1. wasting time online 2. throwing my dirty clothes on the floor rather then in the hamper 3. yelling 4. procrastinating 5. eating too much bad stuff
Five things I like doing: (please reference the above question...) 1. wasting time online 2. sleeping 3. baking/cooking 4. decorating cakes 5. hanging out with my husband
Five things I would never buy, wear, or get new again: 1. Side ponytail 2. pegged jeans 3. cut off shorts 4. KB home 5. wedding dress (ha!)
Five favorite toys: 1. computer 2. kitchenetics mixer 3. digital camera 4. my car 5. my new house
Here's the deal: Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot:
1. Pointless Drivel
2. Disparate Housewife
3. My Blog Is About Nothing
4. The Mama
5. Soggy Cheerios
Then select five people to tag:
1. Heather
2. Katie
3. Arlyn
4. Sugarmama
5. Lacey
