Why I am 'just' a mom (getting up on my soapbox)
Pardon my soapbox:
I was reading my friend Smart Mama's blog and she got me thinking about motherhood and being 'just' a stay at home mom (SAHM). I don't feel like it's a degrading thing, I don't feel like I've 'settled', and I definitely don't feel like I've done a disservice to myself or my children by not having a career. Being a SAHM is a choice I made- one that was more important to me then any other choice. It is also an important choice to my husband. Together when we got pregnant with our oldest child we decided that I would stay home to take care of our children. That it was more important then anything else. I feel that because we've stood by that decision that we've been incredibly blessed in numerous ways. (*Disclaimer- not saying that if you can't or don't SAH then you're not blessed- just that we have been).
I wasn't always planning on being a SAHM. When I was in college I was a biology major headed towards med school. My goal? To be a pediatric neurologist. The summer after my freshman year I took a job as a nanny for a family where the dad was a traveling juice salesman (not kidding) and was gone from Sunday night until Friday afternoons EVERY WEEK. Honestly I wondered if he was leading a double life. The Mom was getting her master's degree in counseling. She left for school at 6:30 in the morning and returned home about 7 in the evening. She had a full load of classes and had to put in X amount of hours a week doing counseling at their center. She'd come home, eat dinner and then kiss her kids goodnight (after I'd gotten them into bed and read stories ect).
They had twin boys that were 6 and a little girl who was 4. The kids were out of control. They couldn't keep a nanny for very long (because of the parents really) and they never saw their parents. When Mom and Dad were around (weekends) they indulged every whim because of the guilt associated with being gone all the time.
I only worked for them for 6 weeks. I wasn't ready to be a full time parent to three out of control children (and I wonder now if I'm up for that task daily) and the parent's were trying to parent me (I had a 10:00 curfew ect) and I didn't need a job like that.
But I'm glad I had it. It clarified to me the importance of Mom being home. I could teach those kids anything I wanted and they soaked it up. I didn't want my babysitter/daycare provider to have more influence than me in my children's lives. So I decided that summer that I could either be a fabulous doctor and not have children- or I could be a fabulous mom and not be a doctor- but that I couldn't do both. I've stood by that decision and it's the best one I've made.
Am I the perfect mom? No. Not even close. I'm striving to be a better mom on a daily basis- but I think that 'being' here is a good start. I plan to stay home and be a SAHM for the long term. I've made that choice. I'm glad that I had the choice to make. I realize that is a blessing and I'm grateful for that. I'm also grateful for a husband that sees the value in that.
*stepping off my soapbox*
Flame away.
