Monday, March 06, 2006

We're back

Our visit went well. We mostly just all sat and talked in the same room as my Dad and he slept through a lot of it. Extra people around really wear him out a lot. He can't communicate hardly at all. When he does talk it's slurred and doesn't always make sense. He's grumpy and in pain and is very emotional. He can't walk and can hardly stand. He can't use his right hand at all and so a lot of the time my mom feeds him since he can't use his left hand very well coordination-wise. He's very vocal about being ready to die. He kept praying aloud while we were there, 'Heavenly Father take me home, let me come home.' If there was ever a doubt in my mind that he's ready it's gone now. He asked Ashley to stop praying for him to get better. He told her (the best that he could and with my mom and I helping out) that he was ready to die and go home to live with Heavenly Father. That his body was sick and wasn't going to get better and that he couldn't do anything anymore. Honestly I don't know that he'll still be alive in 9 days when I go back up. But at the same time it wouldn't surprise me if he lived for another month. I've seen him deteriorate over the last year and even I was shocked at how bad he is since Thanksgiving.

Edited to add:
I really am at peace with everything though. I'm not sure that it always comes through in my typing but I love my Dad and I'm ready for him to be freed from this illness and physical pain. I'll miss him, but I know that we'll see him again- there is no question in my mind of that.