Sunday, February 05, 2006


There are so many types of friendships and I've been reflecting on this a lot lately.

A couple of weeks ago I went to a bridal shower for one of my best friends from college. We used to talk daily, I lived at her house for a couple of 'between places' stints, call her parent's mom and dad (well, papa harvey). Close as sisters. Then I up and got married and we didn't hang out as much. Then I had a baby and moved to the other side of the city and we didn't hang out at all. I'm saddened by that, but I guess it happens to the best of us. Occasionally she'd call or I'd call and we'd chat for a couple of hours catching up- and when I do see her I don't feel like that much has changed. That sort of friend is nice. Another friend like that had a baby shower yesterday. It's amazing how life can change and get busy but you can feel like you can still connect with these women who you've grown to love.

We went to dinner last night with the 'couple friend'. This sort of friend is great too because it's a pair. It's hard to find friends where both you and your spouse connect with your friend and her husband. It was a whole different sort of conversation then the sort that happens at the park with the other 'mormon mommies'. It was intellectually challenging and we discussed everything from kids and potty training to immigration law to black history and reparations. Our poor waitress kept asking if there was anything else she could get us and finally gave up. It was so nice to get out of the house with no kids and enjoy a nice dinner and great conversation.

Then there is the 'instant friend'. We've recently moved and shortly after moving found a friend in the ward who had three girls the same ages as my girls (roughly) and there was an instant bond. As we've hung out more and more we've grown closer and closer and I've realized what a blessing it is to have and 'instant friend' that you can bond with. It's made the new ward and area easier to deal with knowing that I"m not the only one who thinks our ward is a little 'off' (and it is). Plus we're swapping kids on the weekends so that we can have date nights. Our kids love each other and play well together- also our husbands like each other. Win win all around.

Seems like I've found at least one (sometimes more) friends like this in each ward I've lived in.

I'm working on neighborhood friends. I didn't do well in my last neighborhood- so we're making a larger effort here and have seen some success. I know my neighbors well enough to greet them by name when I see them at Costco and well enough to use their fourteen year old to babysit. (Have I said how wonderful a next door baby sitter is yet?) Then there's the neighbor across the street who I feel a bond with and is almost an instant friend.

I've forgotten how fun it is to make new friends as well- it's been a long time since I've really had to do that. We're trying to get to know more people in our ward as well and are reaching out and having people over on a regular basis so that there are more people we know at church. It's just a necessity in a ward our size.

There are also the friends I miss. People that I was friends with as a child or a teenager who I think about and wonder how they turned out. I wish that I'd been better at keeping in touch and knew more now- but I guess that's something I can continue to work on. I just wonder how it's possible to keep in touch with every one that's touch my life- but I guess what Christmas cards attempt to do huh?

Then of course is the sister friend. I'm lucky enough to have 7 'blood' sisters, a couple of sisters-in-law, and a Maria (can't forget you) a cousin who needed a sister. This sort of relationship is one you can't fully understand unless you have that relationship since every single one is different. But it's an important relationship however you look at it. This afternoon Ashley and Megan were fighting relentlessly and Steve finally asked Ashley if she'd treat her friends that way. Ashley said, 'she's not my friend, she's my sister'. Nice. We talked about how sisters are the most important friends that you'll ever have.

Then there are the 'online friends'. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have them. I do. I have dozens of 'internet friends' who are probably all fat, 45 year old men with beer belly's laughing at me while they make up parenting/love/life advice. But serioulsy I've become so co-dependant that I have a hard time making a decision without them. It's sort of pathetic but I'm hoping sort of endearing (you love me right guys??)

Last of all (and most important) is the 'dh' friend. Steve thought that dh stood for dumb head when I first started 'becoming involved' with the people of the internet. (Sounds like a steamy thing- but it's me ignoring him while talking to others). Of course it's 'dear husband'. The friend you can't live without, who knows you better then anyone and puts up with more than anyone. Love you honey!

Amber (in a reminiscing/contemplating mood)


Alissa said...

WHAT ABOUT ME?!!?! What am I? Chopped liver?! We met once... sniff. sniff. I'm totally offended.

Amber said...

Thanks for keeping me on my toes.

*The Alissa Friend*
One who you secretly hate because she makes looking good and doing good seem so effortless. Who's scrapbooking pages are amazing and who I met once I I know that she's not secretly a 45 year old hairy, drunken man. Of course she could be that man's sister doing him a favor....

Alissa said...

i'm totally doing my fat drunk brother a favor. i secretly can't stand you and all your "friends."

Linsey said...

Wait, have you known all along that I was a fat, 45 year old man?? And we still talk?

Heather said...

I must be the "OHIO" friend! I'm glad to have meet you when you spent the summer with your grandparents.

~ Takk

Amber said...

Heather you fall into the 'instant friend' category. =)

ubercyl said...

I paid some girl to pose as me the couple of times we've met. I wish I was a fat, 45yo man. Cause I'm actually 53.

Lei said...

lol... cute post amber.

and my dh thought it stood for damn husband. and sometimes it does, lol!

Hannah said...

Yea for sister friends!! Favorite of seven isn't bad!

andrea said...

I just had to say that I feel the same way about you. It makes me sad that we don't talk or see each other very often, but I love the feeling of closeness that returns the instant we start talking. Thank goodness you have a blog for me to keep up with you.