Monday, March 06, 2006

We're back

Our visit went well. We mostly just all sat and talked in the same room as my Dad and he slept through a lot of it. Extra people around really wear him out a lot. He can't communicate hardly at all. When he does talk it's slurred and doesn't always make sense. He's grumpy and in pain and is very emotional. He can't walk and can hardly stand. He can't use his right hand at all and so a lot of the time my mom feeds him since he can't use his left hand very well coordination-wise. He's very vocal about being ready to die. He kept praying aloud while we were there, 'Heavenly Father take me home, let me come home.' If there was ever a doubt in my mind that he's ready it's gone now. He asked Ashley to stop praying for him to get better. He told her (the best that he could and with my mom and I helping out) that he was ready to die and go home to live with Heavenly Father. That his body was sick and wasn't going to get better and that he couldn't do anything anymore. Honestly I don't know that he'll still be alive in 9 days when I go back up. But at the same time it wouldn't surprise me if he lived for another month. I've seen him deteriorate over the last year and even I was shocked at how bad he is since Thanksgiving.

Edited to add:
I really am at peace with everything though. I'm not sure that it always comes through in my typing but I love my Dad and I'm ready for him to be freed from this illness and physical pain. I'll miss him, but I know that we'll see him again- there is no question in my mind of that.

11 comments:

Rachelle said...

Hugs to you!

bon said...

well...

I am sorry, even when you are ready for these thing it is still hard and it hurts. Hugs and love going out your way.

Arlyn said...

Your whole family is awesome. You're all growing together through something that is such a struggle.

ubercyl said...

When Fozzie's grandfather was ready to go, it was hard to say "take him, please" in our prayers, so we stuck with "thy will be done." There was a peace that came with turning it over to the Lord.

(((HUGS)))

Lee said...

Hugs Amber! I am so sorry. But I am glad you are at peace, that has to be such a blessing.

Heather said...

I understand the mixed emotion of not wanting him to be in pain. But, not wanting to let him go just yet.

I know you and your family will find peace through this difficult time.

Anonymous said...

Amber - glad you had the chance to see your dad and understand where he is at right now. Hugs from Brasil.
Maria

Lacey said...

I just send you and you're amazing family our love.

The Constant Gardener said...

You have a great attitude and an eternal outlook. Hugs to you!

SuAnn said...

It's so hard to watch someone you love going through pain and suffering that will only cease when they leave this life. You want them to have peace and not hurt, but you know you will miss them so baddly. ((((hugs))). You and your family are in my prayers

emlouisa said...

Hugs, Amber. I am so sorry that you are all going through this. Glad you got to see him though.